When I started seeing Kathie McIver in 2014 I was at the height of frustration. I had just been diagnosed with PTSD. The Austin SIMS foundation (a musicians’ mental health agency) had referred me since she specialized in EMDR – a technique used for PTSD. I had not been to war, I grew up in a cult. I was given to the leader, reluctantly, by my mother who had joined this cult when I was only 8 years old. I managed to leave at age 22. Yet, the insidious internal dialogue that persisted in my mind from years of sexual, emotional and psychological abuse was unmanageable. I felt suicidal. I had pushed and scratched and clawed my way to a semi-normal life, but I couldn’t keep up the facade anymore. There was nothing normal about my life. My father abandoned us before birth, and my childhood was insane. That was before we joined a cult. I felt I couldn’t trust myself, I was plagued with flashbacks to horrible, abusive experiences. I was using alcohol to quiet the noise and try to fit in. I was ruining my relationship with my boyfriend of 12 years. My music was stunted because I was ruminating on my past.

Every therapist I had seen before didn’t seem to be treating the core of my problems. One therapist told me, “When you have flashbacks about your sexual abuse and are afraid to be with your boyfriend have a glass of wine before sex, that helps me”. Another: “Take up boxing, that will help with your anger”.

In my therapy sessions with Kathie she wasn’t afraid of my intensity. I yelled, she didn’t even flinch. I could see she had dealt with truly dark issues before and that she wasn’t out of her depth. We could argue about real philosophical issues that caused my emotional pain. She guided me to change my point of view and always reminded me that I have all the power now, and that I am now safe.

We used EMDR, and the results were amazing. It desensitized memories I had accidentally built up for years. I say “we” because I didn’t feel like she was sitting there passively judging me and assigning homework, as I had experienced with past therapists. I felt like we were working on a project TOGETHER. She agreed to bring in for sessions important people from my life to help explain to them what I was going through. She helped us develop a way to make our relationship work. She researched cult survival data and stories and helped me feel that, “wait….no I’m not crazy for feeling like an alien — I was, in fact, raised by wolves.” She also has a great sense of humor, crucial to moving forward in my humble opinion.

I continue my work with Kathie McIver still, after years, because it’s simply working for me. She has helped me continue to go to the next level in my musical career which I am now able to pursue full time. She helped me in my personal life with key relationships like no other person has ever done. Thank you, Kathie, for your commitment to making me healthy. I look forward to our continued work and I’ll never forget everything you’ve done for me.